Sacrifices
by denise1
Summary: Rite of Passage tag


Sacrifices

By

Denise

Sacrifices.

They talk about it all the time. It's one of the first things you learn in command school; there will be sacrifices.

Some of them are personal. The birthdays, anniversaries, graduations and other milestones you miss while you're off doing your duty. You accept them since there is nothing you can do to change it. You get used to seeing that disappointed look in your kids' eyes when they realize dad is going to miss yet another birthday.

You try to make up for it by buying them exotic gifts from foreign locales only to learn they're usually set aside for the true gifts that your kid wanted, the one your wife buys and signs your name to.

There are sacrifices of a professional nature. They try to sterilize them with euphemisms of acceptable loss or collateral damage. In my mind there's no such thing as an acceptable loss.

True I've asked and expected these people to lay their lives on the line time and time again. And they've risen to the call each and every time. I've watched them come back through that gate battered, bloody and broken, sometimes under their own power, sometimes not, but most often successful in whatever duties I've given them.

And each time they've carried out my wishes they've asked for nothing in return. Oh Colonel O'Neill may push the behavioral envelope a time or three and Major Carter knows full well that she has a lot of latitude in her lab. Doctor Jackson has to be aware that not every civilian consultant has as much freedom as he has and I wonder if Teal'c realizes all the finagling I've done to transform his western wear hobby into something the taxpayers can't scream about? But all in all these people take nothing for granted but keep exceeding my expectations on a daily basis.

And now, after all this, after all the sacrifices they've made, personal and professional, I'm supposed to ask them to make another. I'm supposed to tell them the life of a child is worthless compared to the intelligence that goa'uld might have in her brain.

"General, with all due respect, it's not like we're negotiating with terrorists."

"It's exactly that colonel. You're letting our emotions get in the way," I remind him. Jack amazes me with his strength, both mental and physical. Yes, right now he's arguing for Cassie's life, but just a few months ago he killed a member of his team to save this base. To this day I still don't know if I could have pulled the trigger the second time like he did.

"Yes I am, shouldn't you be?"  He shoots back. He's fighting dirty now, aiming right below the belt. Which is what I should have expected. There is one chink in Jack's armor, other than his team, and that's kids.

"Jack…" Don't you see that I have no choice here? Do you think I WANT to make this decision? Do you think I'll sleep tonight knowing I condemned a sixteen-year-old girl to die for the sake of national security?

"Sir, up until yesterday we didn't even now Nirti was still alive," Carter interrupts.

"Exactly. Now who cares if we let her go? What difference does it make? There's just one more goa'uld running around." Jack leaps on the idea like a chicken on a June bug. God help me, they're making sense.

"If we were to allow Nirti to leave…with a sample of Cassie's blood, she could well succeed in her experiment to create a genetically advanced host, and become dangerously powerful," I remind them of the stakes. Don't you people understand? Someone has to look at the big picture. And quite frankly I know none of you would hesitate to give your lives to keep Nirti here. Your lives you'll risk, Cassie's you'll protect.

"I am in agreement with General Hammond," Teal'c speaks up for the first time.

"What?"

"The life of a child may be sacrificed, but Nirti possesses valuable information that would be lost if we allow her to leave."

"Teal'c, we're talking about Cassandra," Carter reminds him, needless I'm sure. Cassie is special to them, all of them. I wonder if the girl realizes how lucky she is to have three fathers and two mothers.

"Of that I am aware. But her sacrifice would benefit both our peoples. Nirti possesses valuable information that would help us defeat the goa'uld," he says evenly.  It's moments like this that I'm vividly reminded that Teal'c has spent nearly a century engaged in battle after battle. He buries his feelings so deeply inside. He can be a cold blooded son of a bitch when he needs to be, like when we discovered that Carter had a goa'uld in her head or when he was ready to sacrifice himself to save the others. But he doesn't know I've seen the other side of him, the side that he hides like a miser hides his last penny. I've seen him maintain a vigil for days at the bed side of one or all of his friends, I've seen him willingly risk his life, flaunting with radiation poisoning just to retrieve a key to finding a clue to Jackson's disappearance. He may be dispassionate now but I wonder what price he pays? How many ghosts does he bury behind that enigmatic exterior of his?

"We'll find another way," Jackson insists.

"We may never have a goa'uld as our prisoner again," I say, still clinging to my role as a devil's advocate. Come on people; give me a reason, any reason. Anything I can use to justify letting this bitch go to save Cassie.

"Sir, I don't have to remind you of what Cassandra has gone through because of the goa'uld. Now if we're gonna put what we MAY learn or what MIGHT happen over her life…"

"It's time to pack it in," Jack interrupts.

"I agree," Daniel joins in. I stare at the three of them. I know this. You're telling me something I already know. Now give me a reason. Give me something to tell the Joint Chiefs when they ask me why the hell I let Nirti go.

'General Hammond to the holding room.' The intercom barks, breaking the spell. What now? Could I be so lucky that the goa'uld has changed her mind? Not likely. I saw the stubbornness in her eyes. She doesn't care if Cassie lives or dies, and coming from captivity like she has, she likely has little to lose. Hell, chances are she's safer here than she is out there.

Following the united trio down the hall I resign myself to my decision. Tactically it's wrong in so many ways…morally it's the only one I can live with.

A nightmarish scene greets me in the holding room. Doctor Fraiser, Janet, has the goa'uld in her sights, literally. Damn it…I waited too long, pushed too far. I should have expected this. I'd seen how hard the woman has been pushing herself, how tired and desperate she was getting. She's stood her ground and made me back down a time or three, I should have expected her to do the same with this…creature. She's desperate, desperate enough to throw her career away…something I can't let her do. "Doctor Fraiser, stand down." I'm careful not to startle her. We can still fix this…right up until the second she pulls that trigger.

"I can't do that sir. I don't have a choice," she says. I can hear the tears and fear in her voice.

"Janet. Don't do this," Carter urges.

"I can't…help Cassandra. She can…" I've often wondered how far a person can be pushed. The good doctor has reached and surpassed her breaking point. It's time to stop this, now before it goes any further.

"Doctor Fraiser, SG-1 has already convinced me to make a deal for Cassandra's life…this isn't necessary."

"Then you agree to my terms?" Nirti asks smugly.

"Just one. Once you've cured Cassandra of her illness, you will be free to go," I tell her.

"And how do I know you will honor this?"

"You have only my word," I tell her warningly. Push me woman and I'll forget that I am a man of my word because believe me, I'd like nothing more than to pack you off for the NID to play with.

"Not enough," she pushes.

"Then shall I remind you that the woman holding a gun on you is Cassandra's mother." I play my trump card. Push me any further and I'll leave you alone with Fraiser. With a small sigh, the woman slumps, nodding her ascent. Carter reaches out and gently takes the gun from Fraiser's grasp. "Doctor, why don't you and Major Carter go get your patient ready," I suggest.

"Sir?"

"Come on Janet," Sam says, laying a guiding hand on the doctor's arm.

I wait until they leave the room, then step towards the goa'uld, meeting her eyes.  "If Cassandra dies…so do you." I tell her coldly. She breaks the contact, looking down and I step back. "Colonel, Teal'c. Escort this…person to Isolation Room four."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I stand just outside the door to the infirmary. Nirti is long gone and Cassandra seems to be well on her way to a full recovery. At least that's what Doctor Fraiser told me before Doctor Warner came in and relieved her from duty. She gave in gratefully, fortunately; it saved me having to pull rank.  Looking back I kick myself for not realizing that she'd been pushing herself non-stop for most of the past two days. She was exhausted; at least that's what I'm putting in the report. Her judgement was impaired by sleep deprivation; therefore she's not responsible for her actions. That'll be understood better than 'a mother's devotion to her child' as an excuse for her assaulting the guard.

I feel a presence and glance over to see Teal'c joining me in contemplation of the pair in the room. Cassie's asleep in the bed, a healing restful sleep at last, and Janet's there right beside her, curled up behind the girl, one arm holding her tight.

"It is unlikely that Nirti will remain unobtrusive for long," he says quietly. "The day will surely come that we could have cause to regret letting her go free."

"I know."

"By denying her a sample of Cassandra Fraiser's blood you simply delayed the inevitable. Nirti is a very determined and wily creature. It is likely that even now she has selected a people to experiment on."

"I know that too."

"Yet you released her back into the universe."

"That I did."

"You chose the good of the few over the good of the many."

"I chose the option I could live with," I tell him.

"And for that I am grateful," he admits letting me see that tiny chink in his mask of indifference. We fall silent and stand there a few more minutes both drinking in the timeless sight of mother and child.

Cassandra stirs and nestles in closer to her mom, the woman's arm tightening even in her deep sleep. In that instant I know I made the right decision…any other would have sacrificed not only my life but also my soul.

Fin


End file.
